My sweet girl had her first daddy-daughter dance ever the day after Valentine’s day, and I cried like a baby watching them drive away.
This is a vulnerable post, one that may not be what you typically see from your neighborhood photographer. But my life at certain points has been complicated and not easy. I’ve experienced many hard situations and have faced many challenges, all of which have contributed to the person I am today. And it’s worth opening up in case someone in some part of this big old world can relate or understand. I’m a human being. Not just a business machine, and I feel so free being able to share my life and stories with others. So, here goes story time!
Some of you may remember my post from over a year ago where I blogged about my son’s adoption day. My husband KJ adopted both my children, but the circumstances around each adoption was vastly different. Skylar didn’t have an “adoption” per ce. Having KJ become her legal father was more or less a simple filing to have him sign her birth certificate, since for 4 years that line remained vacant. I didn’t rush to have KJ sign her birth certificate. When we married in 2016, I knew my little girl finally had her daddy. But it wasn’t until 2018 when we finally made it official after moving back home to New Hampshire.
Sparing all the gritty details, my daughter’s biological father was not ready to be a parent when I found out I was pregnant with her. I didn’t fight him on it. I didn’t stamp my feet and cry and beg someone to be a part of their child’s life when it was entirely evident they already had their mind made up. It wasn’t a matter of did I fight hard enough. No amount of fighting would have made a difference. So, from day one, I knew I would love and protect her on my own, and I would fill the shoes of both roles. It didn’t scare me.
But I had some fears thinking about the future. I distinctly remember sitting in my bed before finding out if I was having a boy or girl, and sobbing at the fact if I have a girl, she won’t get to experience those milestones with her daddy… she won’t have that daddy daughter dance. She won’t have her dad to walk her down the aisle. It broke me. And when I sat in that ultrasound room and heard them say “you’re having a girl!” I lost it. Not because I didn’t want my sweet girl… but because I had more fears around having a baby girl than I did having a baby boy.
But then it grew on me. It was mostly the cute bows and shoe collection that subsided all of those thoughts (haha!) but as my love grew for Sky, I couldn’t hear those fears anymore. They were still silently there and would creep up every now and then, but it wasn’t as catastrophic as I once felt it was.
Fast forward to the day Skylar finally met KJ for the first time… man. My heart exploded. I remember the first time she called him daddy. It was over FaceTime. That wasn’t even a discussion, much less something we were teaching her. But for some reason, it came naturally to her to call him that. A little while later, KJ and I married and any fears I had of her ever feeling like she would be missing out on something were forever gone.
I was looking forward to her daddy-daughter dance so much! I nearly bursted at the seams when the flyer came in her backpack! We had a panic moment the day of when I was talking to my friend about it and she said something about registration. Turns out there was a deadline for registering daddy-daughter pairs for the dance since they only had a certain number of people allowed to go…. And of course I missed that completely! I cried (seems to be a trend lol) and frantically contacted everyone I could think of, and by a miracle, it turns out she was totally fine to just show up — PRAISE!
Skylar picked out a special dress and KJ didn’t know what she would look like until I staged a first look with them. It was a glimpse into her future if she ever has a wedding day, and as I sat up finally editing these a few nights ago… you guessed it! I was a blubbering mess. Thinking about her future gets me wildly choked up. Throw in the fact her 6th birthday is 2 days away and I am just a hot mess!
She had so much fun. KJ texted me and told me he loved watching her dance with her friends, and she may or may not have tried to ditch him! But they slow-danced, sang Frozen songs and we ended the night going to a special dinner with just us and my sweet not-so-much-a-baby-anymore baby girl. It’s a glimpse into her future. A future I’m not yet ready for, but I’ll hang onto these moments a little while longer <3